As I was reading in the Book of Mormon this morning, this verse stood out to me…
“For behold, the promises which we have obtained are promises unto us according to the flesh; wherefore, as it has been shown unto me that many of our children shall perish in the flesh because of unbelief, nevertheless, God will be merciful unto many; and our children shall be restored, that they may come to that which will give them the true knowledge of their Redeemer.” (2 Nephi 10:2)
In this verse, Jacob is talking to his people about their descendants that, for many generations, will not know about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Many will perish because of unbelief. But then, at the right time, the knowledge of the gospel would be restored unto them.
As I read this, I first thought about the main meaning. After going through a long period of apostasy and ignorance, this particular branch of the House of Israel would have the gospel of Jesus Christ brought back to them.
But then I started thinking about it in terms of relationships. The house of Israel (during the time of apostasy and ignorance) had lost their relationship with Jesus Christ. And in the future (as Jacob was preaching this, and now in the present as I am writing this), their relationship with Jesus Christ would be restored.
And then I started thinking about how yes, this applies on a large scale with the House of Israel as a whole, but it also applies in a more individualized and personal way as well.
When I came to earth and was born, I forgot everything about life before mortality. I even forgot my relationship with the Lord.
My patriarchal blessing tells me a little bit about my relationship with the Savior and what it was like in pre-mortality and how I will feel close to the Savior throughout my life.
As I have read this many, many times over the past 15 years since receiving my patriarchal blessing, this particular part has always felt a bit elusive to me.
For a long time, the veil felt thick and I had a hard time feeling and recognizing my personal, one-on-one, relationship with the Lord. It’s not that I was cutting myself off from Him by committing major sins (although I have definitely committed many sins throughout my life) – I wasn’t. It’s not that I never felt His influence or presence – I did. I think I just didn’t recognize it as a relationship.
When I would pray, I often didn’t feel like I was experiencing a two way conversation. I often felt like I was just talking to the air… even though I still believed that I was talking to Heavenly Father and I knew that He was listening, I just felt like I couldn’t feel the connection and hear His side of the conversation. I didn’t feel the depth of my personal relationship with the Lord, rather than just being in the collective group of “God loves all His children.”
But over the past few years in particular, I feel as if the veil is getting thinner and I am seeing more clearly what has always been there. It was there in the pre-existence, and it is what is being strengthened and deepened now in this life – my relationship with the Savior. My personal, unique, one-on-one relationship with the Savior is being restored.
My relationship with the Savior and true knowledge of Him as my Redeemer, my Shepherd, my Prince of Peace, my Friend (and many more titles and roles) is part of the on-going process of the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.
This relationship has always been there. It’s always been clear on Jesus’ side. He sees me clearly. He sees our relationship clearly. But it’s been blurry for me.
As I learn and grow and have experiences, it becomes more and more clear. The fuzziness dissipates and my sight is restored.
And it’s a beautiful thing.
The more I immerse myself in the glorious light of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more I see how different parts of the global Restoration – The Book of Mormon, the priesthood, the temple, etc. – are all there to help me in my personal restoration.
I am grateful for how my relationship with Christ has been growing and strengthening as I get older and have more experiences with Him.
This isn’t a new relationship. I’m not starting from scratch. I’m remembering. It’s familiar. It existed long before I came to this earth. And that is really comforting.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said:
“surely the most thrilling sight and sound in life is that of Jesus not only passing by, but His coming to us, stopping beside us, and making His abode with us.”
The moments when I feel Him near and recognize that personal relationship truly are thrilling.
