My grandma passed away in the middle of March. She was 94 years old and lived a great life. Her passing was anticipated (I had gotten to see her a couple of days before and say my goodbyes) so on the day that she died it wasn’t a shock. Throughout that day, I felt some sadness of course, but mostly I felt joy. I feel so happy that she is now reunited with my Grandpa who passed away 13 years ago, and she greatly missed him. I know that I will see her again and I know that even though I can’t see her with my physical eyes, she’s not very far away. I’m sure she’s watching over me (and the rest of her very large posterity).
Even though I felt joy (and that shouldn’t be discounted), I think that I was suppressing some grief and sadness at first. This (suppressing grief and closing my heart to it for some reason) is a weakness that I have been aware of and I’m consciously wanting to improve.
In the days after her passing, I had some moments were I felt some deep emotions and those emotions overflowed through my eyes. It felt cleansing and healing to have the grief and sadness wash over me.
In the evening, on the same day that she passed away, I went to a Relief Society activity. During this activity, one of my friends sang a hymn. I think that it was Be Still My Soul. I was feeling pretty calm before she started singing but for some reason this song really hit me – deep in my core. I started crying a lot. Like snot dripping, quiet, sobbing. I wasn’t even really sure what was going on. Afterward, I came to the conclusion that it was grief that I was feeling. The suppressed feelings didn’t stand a chance against that song. They boiled up and over and came out my eyes.
On the day after her passing, we rented the movie, Coco. I had heard that it was a really good movie and that it was about family history, but beyond that, I didn’t know anything about it. I hadn’t even watched any previews.
The whole movie was very touching and inspiring, but I really lost it at the end when Hector (and the Miguel) sings the song, Remember Me, to Coco. Again, I was overcome with emotion that was boiling over through my eyes. I kept crying for a good 20 minutes after the movie was even over.
A couple days after my Grandma’s passing, my mom asked me if I would put together a video and photo montage of Grandma’s life that would be shown at the viewing. I like doing these kinds of projects so I agreed, at the time, not really knowing what kind of impact this would have on me.
I reached out to my aunts, uncles, and cousins and asked if anyone had some photos or video clips that I could include in the video montage. My aunt and my brother (who lives in the same area as my mom’s cousin) both sent me video footage of my Grandma’s family from the 1930s – 1950s! I didn’t even know that these videos existed and I was so excited to get to see them.
So in the week between Grandma’s passing and her funeral, I spent several, several hours compiling a video of her life. It was a neat experience. I felt like I got to spend that week getting to know Grandma in a different way than I had before. I only knew her as an elderly woman so it was fun to get to see pictures and (silent) video clips of her when she was younger.
Here’s a little 1 minute clip of the video that I posted to my Instagram account. The entire video is 18 minutes long though.
*music is Dream by Pricilla Ahn (used with permission)
